Balance in a Busy Life

This post is not going to be "10 Steps to a Perfectly Balanced Life" or some such fantasy that can only be played out by people who have no kids and perfectly stable and reliable jobs/sources of income....and possibly no pulse.

This post is about real life. My life. And it is one where unpredictability and change reign supreme! But isn't that everyone's life, to some degree? We all have to cope with the elements; weather, economy, government, traffic, death, organizational structure (and restructuring), extra-curricular activities, social responsibilities, family obligations, other people's expectations (and our own), illnesses, accidents, new/challenging/failed relationships, other people's moods (and our own)....and the list could go on.

Phew! I'm exhausted already! Time for a cigarette, espresso, chocolate bar....whatever your drug of choice to help you navigate your way through the whirlwind of life.

So how do we manage? How do we cope? Well, we form groups, first of all. We gather ourselves into small packs called "immediate families", and these packs are a part of larger groups called "extended families". The collective has got to be stronger than the individual, right? Well, that may depend on the quality and character of the individuals making up that collective. After all, a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. And, PLEASE, don't forget...we have no control over other people. If you look at the list of elements I listed above, the only thing there we do have control over is our own expectations and our own mood (or at least how we are behaving, based on our mood).

As for expectations, ditch them. Seriously. Expectations of ourselves, others, or life only lead to resentment, guilt and disappointment. I'm not suggesting we have no guidelines for how we act, what treatment we will tolerate from others, and no plan for how to deal with life. What I am suggesting is that we let go of any expectation that things should be a certain way. Don't expect excellent service when you go into a restaurant to eat; be open to whatever the service is and then take it from there. Don't expect the weather to be a certain way when you wake up in the morning; see what it is and dress accordingly.

I can hear many of you shaking your heads and thinking, "Now she's lost me. I don't see how this would make a difference or help me in any way." Well, think about it. Stephen Covey put it really well; we don't have control over 10% of what happens to us (the weather, someone spilling a coffee on our paperwork, etc), but we do have control over the other 90%, because that comes from how we REACT to the 10%. You can feel however you feel, but you don't have to ACT based on those feelings. You can feel frustrated by the lack of good service in a restaurant, but you don't have to be rude to the waitress in retaliation. And if you ditched your expectations before even entering the restaurant, you probably wouldn't feel the frustration that strongly to begin with.

One of my favourite sayings is 'the proof is in the pudding'. I don't feel the need to convince anyone this stuff works. If you try it, you'll see for yourself. If you try it and it doesn't work, look REEEEEAAALLY hard at where you might have still been holding onto some expectations, or where you were reacting based on a negative feeling.

Time to step down off the soapbox:) Next time, perhaps we'll talk about fear-free parenting.

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